The news in the UK is full of "Partygate". Boris Johnson, may lose his job as Prime Minister. Why? Well, ostensibly, he will lose it because while on the one hand asking the British public to make sacrifices, he was on the other hand, ignoring all of his own rules, and attending several parties.

There are some evocative juxtapositions. A party in Downing Street, the night before the Queen was pictured alone, isolated, mourning the loss of her husband. Police Officers moving people on, for sitting too close in parks, while civil servants swap emails on what booze to bring to "the meeting".

It's all come as a shock to me. No, not that Johnson is a vile self-serving elitist, frankly, that's been obvious for years. No, I'm shocked that anybody expected anything different.

Somehow, in the US, and the UK. We've got to a place where there are two teams. Red v Blue. Yep. That's it. We have reduced the debate as to who should run the country to the equivalent of table football. Go us. Further, we now seem to promote the most extraordinarily inept and inappropriate people to lead those teams.

First - some US bashing. Somehow or other, presumably through some sort of computer error, Donald Trump, or an orange facsimile of him, ended up running the most powerful nation on earth. Look, accidents do happen. I'm not here to judge.

I was confident that the US would put things right. I mean, after four years of Trump, surely "none of the above" would beat him. His campaign later booked a garden centre for a press conference because it was called the Four Seasons. On the surface, it was funny. A failed businessman, with no endearing virtues at all had been in charge of the USA. However, this joke had the nuclear codes, he punished any who stood up to him and was overtly petulant and childish. He very nearly won. And some suggest he will run again.

Biden seems an honourable man. A guy who has seen stuff. Lived through things. A wise elder who doubtless has important lessons to teach us. I've nothing against a nap, I'm fond of them myself. However, I kind of want the President of The United States to be able to stay awake through a meeting, however dull it is.

Are you really telling me that of 330 million citizens, the best two to lead the country were Trump and Biden? Oh c'mon.

It wouldn't happen in the UK. This is the land of Captain Tom, that wonderful man who wanted to do his bit for the National Health Service by walking up and down his garden during lockdown, inspiring a nation and raising millions. Bravo!

Oh wait. One year before the USA dumped Trump (just), the UK put forward its two top guys. Boris Johnson and Jeremy Corbyn. Seriously. That's it? Those are the best we've got?

The blundering lying philandering elitist inflicted a thumping defeat on the anti-semitic Marxist. Team Red replaced the Marxist with Sir Keir Starmer, a barrister who became the Director of Public Prosecutions and got knighted for it. This high-powered court room battler is so good at the despatch box, that he regularly gets shredded by Johnson.

We're screwed.

Given that we have a commonwealth, I think we should go shopping for leaders across the old empire. I like Jacinda Ardern for Prime Minister. She's done well looking after New Zealand, and seems chock full of integrity. British politicians wouldn't know what to make of her. For leader of the opposition, I'm going outside of politics entirely. I suspect I may be making this character up, but go with me for a second.

Shane: "G'day mate. Your visa's invalid."

Novak: "I have been given an exemption by Tennis Australia."

Shane: "By who?"

Novak: "Tennis Australia."

Shane: "Of course you have, mate. Your visa's still invalid."

Novak: "Do you know who I am?"

Shane: "Yep."

Novak: "..."

Shane: "..."

Novak: "Who am I?"

Shane: "Persona non grata, mate. Security will take you now. Next!"

I think Shane would be great at Prime Minister's questions.

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