Subject to any last minute mishaps, we’ve decided that we’re going to travel.

Ominously, Mrs L’s back is playing up again. The trouble manifests itself as a need to stop every 20 yards, hunched over, to rest and stretch, which slows things down a mite. This end is not too bad, but getting through Heathrow, which is massive, would require meal breaks and a fold-out bed.

Hopefully all will be well, come d-day, but if not, we’ve booked assistance at the airports.

As predicted, logistics are changing, so I have spent the morning cancelling and rebooking stuff.

Once again - my gast has been flabbered by the complexities of international travel.

Dog transport and accommodations? Check.

Airport Parking? Check.

Aircraft seats chosen? Check.

Travel Insurance purchased? Check.

Insurance for car hire? Check.

Hotel 1? Check.

Hotel 2? Check.

Hotel 3? Check.

Amend car hire, pick up and drop off? Check.

Check latest Covid restrictions BA? Check.

Check latest Covid restrictions UK? Check.

Check latest Covid restrictions CY? Check.

Good grief. How did I do this every couple of weeks?

Packing.

What’s the weather? It’s England. In April. It’s all the weather.

Jacket that fits? Not a chance, tubby.

“Meeting” trousers that fit. “Breathe in! No, don’t sit.” (Bullet departs trousers at a rate of knots, narrowly missing the ducking Jack Russell and pinging off the window.)

“Meeting” shirt that fits? Don’t you dare sit!

Hmmm…These clothes are from the “Porky Wardrobe.” The biggest I’ve got.

So, jeans and a hoody it is, then. Or perhaps jogging bottoms?

I am considering making some purchases that can await me in good old Blighty. However, Mrs L looks askance at the purchase of big clothes. I think she sees it as some sort of declaration of defeat. An admission that I may not be back in my wardrobe, as it were, for the foreseeable future.

I’m guessing I’ll style it out. “Business wear? Oh come on. That’s such a pre-pandemic concept. Haven’t you moved on?”

If the weather is kind, jeans and a collared shirt is fine. If it’s cold and/or wet then the hoody will have step into the breach, despite being neither warm, nor waterproof. There is a golf mid-layer by Under Armour, I suppose. Grey and neon orange. What tie would go with that do you think?

When not fretting about wardrobe choices, we’re concerned by the daily news coming out of the airports in the UK. Every company even tangentially related to airports cut staff during the pandemic. Understandable, as nothing was happening. Then suddenly, everything was back on. “Quick! Hire everybody back!” Those people let go had, equally understandably, found new employment. They had bills to pay.

Passengers flooded the airport, to find absolutely everything short-staffed. After two years of relative isolation, a substantial proportion of the population of the UK found themselves in enclosed spaces together, swapping bugs and viruses with gay abandon. The few staff left were soon self-isolating, glad of a bit of peace, leaving the terminals in utter chaos. Nobody but frustrated travellers and journalists reporting on frustrated travellers.

“That looks fun.” I quipped.

Mrs L was pale.

“NOBODY is wearing a mask…” she whispered.

It’ll be fine.

I hope.

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