Our bank branch has an ATM. To get to it, you drive up a kerb, between two concrete walls into a small parking lot. Mrs L fancies that the right hand side is less bumpy than the left, so goes tight to that pillar.

This morning, she was tight enough to send the proximity sensors ballistic. Mindful of the pickup truck behind her, the tiniest panic set in - and she ignored the frantic beeping. The front right wing kissed the concrete. Little or no damage done. The sense of panic was growing, but Mrs L knew that she needed to reverse off the pillar, and have another go at the turn. Without hesitation, she pushed the gear lever, not forward, as required for reverse, but left, which converts the automatic transmission to a sort of manual. Unleashed, the BMW had a go at taking the pillar out. Now we’re talking damage.

As is the way with car manufacturers, the little fender-bender will require a new bumper, a new wing and almost certainly a new wheel arch if we go to BMW. This being Cyprus, in the village, there’s also a fellow called Costas who will fix things up in an effective, but more rustic manner. We’re insured, but insurance being what it is, we’ll need to get the spreadsheets out to ascertain whether we’re happy to trade in the no claims bonus in return for the rebuild by BMW, or settle in cash with Costas and his hammer.

Poor Mrs L is furious with herself. She’s on all sorts of tablets to manage the pain that remains despite her back operation. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter. She's unscathed, and cars are easily fixed. Accidents happen.

Obviously, I’m leaving it a while before I start the jokes. “Kissed a pillar? You can do better than that. There you are - slap it into manual. Smashed it!”

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